Planning Your Wedding-Premarital Counseling

Congratulations on the decision you have made to enter into the covenant of marriage! This form is to be completed and submitted by both the bride and the groom.
 
We believe marriage is a gift from the Lord, given to us in order to put His greatness on display for the world (James 1:17, Matthew 5:14-16). Our desire at Dayspring Church is to help in any way we can to get you ready for your wedding day. More importantly, while we desire couples to have a wonderful wedding day, our greatest passion is for your marriage to bring God the glory He deserves.

Whether we are providing you a location to get married and/or a pastor to officiate your ceremony, as the body of Christ, we are primarily concerned with God being honored in the process. Since marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make, we see it as our responsibility to help best prepare you for marriage. These policies may seem countercultural, but they are intended to bless you and your marriage.

To that end, we have put together this wedding policy guide to help assist you in the process. In the following pages, you will find all the information you need to use our facility, as well as pricing, policies, procedures, requirements/qualifications, and much more.

We hope that this wedding policy guide will be a great help to you. The first step is for you to become familiar with our policies and procedures as related to using our facilities (and/or being married by a Dayspring Pastor Offsite) by reading over this policy guide and completing this questionnaire.

May God bless you as you prepare for both your marriage and wedding day!

In Christ,

Marriage Ministry Team
Dayspring Community Church

Qualifications for a Biblical Marriage

The biblical picture of marriage is a formal commitment and covenant resulting in a man and a woman becoming one family that can only be separated by death (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5-6). This act of publicly leaving one’s family (ceremony) and becoming “one flesh” involves sexual intercourse (1 Corinthians 6:18). Sex is intended to be enjoyed only within the marriage covenant. From an Old Testament perspective, scripture speaks out against sex outside of marriage 93 times, primarily ending with severe consequences (Leviticus 20:10-21; Exodus 20:14).

Similarly, in John 4:16-18, Jesus speaks of the issue of cohabitation directly. As Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman, he referenced the fact that the man she lived with was not her husband. Based on his interaction with the woman, Jesus clearly did not approve of her living situation. The theme of sexual purity is also repeated throughout Acts and the Epistles. In Acts 15:20, the apostle James instructs new believers to abstain from sexual immorality. Similarly, the author of Hebrews states that marriage must be honored among all and a person’s sexual life should be kept pure (Hebrews 13:4). For further support, see Galatians 5:19, 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, Ephesians 5:3, and 1 Thessalonians 4:3.

The following qualifications will be assessed throughout the premarital process. The officiating pastor will determine whether or not the qualifications have been met by the individuals and couple. We will seek to determine whether or not the qualifications have been met as soon as possible in the pre-marriage process. There are occasions where the pre-married couple may not agree with the DCC pastoral assessment, but DCC staff will hold the final authority in the decision-making process of whether or not a couple has qualified for facility usage. 

Spiritual Qualifications: 

  • Both male and female must be believers in Christ who are able to testify to their faith in the Triune God. At DCC, we believe salvation is a sovereign gift of God and is received by man through personal faith in Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for sin. We believe man is justified by grace through faith apart from works (Acts 13:38-39; Romans 6:23; Ephesians 1:4-5 & 2:8-10). 

  • A believer is not permitted to marry a non-believer (2 Corinthians 6:14). 

  • You each will be asked to share your testimony throughout the premarital process. 

  • If either of you have been previously married, this must be discussed with the officiating minister at length. He may recommend that one or both of you see a counselor to discuss the unique challenges that divorce and remarriage presents - especially when children and families are blending together.  

  • Both must understand and be committed to the Biblical pattern of permanence in the one-flesh union that marriage creates (Matthew 19:6). 

  • Marriages will be officiated and hosted for only heterosexual couples – marriage is a covenant relationship established by God between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:3-6, Ephesians 5:21-33, among many other passages). This will hold true for DCC pastoral staff regardless of Indiana state law. 

  • Relational Qualifications: 

  • Each individual must be able to understand and accept the responsibility and commitment of marriage (Ephesians 5:21-33, Matthew 19:6) 

  • Each must have a realistic view of and an appreciation for marriage and the other person (1 Peter 3:7, Philippians 2:1-4) 

  • Each must agree to pursue biblical community both before and after marriage (Hebrews 10:24-25, Proverbs 11:14, 12:15, 13:10, 15:22, 16:25, 19:20, 20:18) 

Summary of Fees

Merge Pre-marital Counseling- $30

Officiating Pastor's Fee - $250

Please note there is an additional fee for Building Rental if you choose to get married on Dayspring's campus. To begin the process of securing a date to get married at Dayspring, please contact Johanna Houser at johannah@dayspringchurch.com  
Date

Premarital Purity Pledge

Premarital Purity Pledge
We believe that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed in the context of marriage and that He had our best in mind when He gave us strong directives about sexual purity before marriage. There are many benefits to staying sexually pure before marriage. By waiting until marriage*:
  • You please God and experience the blessing of obedience.
  • You build trust, which is necessary for intimacy.
  • You develop the godly qualities of patience and self-control.
  • You affirm that you care more for the other person than yourself.
  • You protect yourself from feelings of guilt and shame.
  • You provide yourself with an example to give your (future) children and others.
  • You are protected from emotional, mental and physical trauma should you break off your relationship.
  • You develop healthy communication habits and skills.
  • You avoid the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy.
  • You avoid the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
  • You increase the anticipation and enjoyment of your wedding night.
  • You discover more about each other than just the physical.
  • If you are a Christian, you maintain a witness to the world.
  • If you are a Christian, you keep from bringing reproach on the name of Christ.

Although many couples believe engaging in sex prior to marriage will strengthen their relationship, we believe the opposite is true. We believe sex outside of marriage can slow down the growth of a couple’s relationship by causing emotional confusion and distracting couples from pursuing activities that would be more meaningful and beneficial during the dating/engagement stage of a relationship. We believe it is worth noting that *research indicates a positive relationship between couples who live by biblical standards* regarding purity and marriage longevity.

While physical intimacy is of huge importance in a healthy marriage, we do not believe it is the foundation upon which to build a great marriage. Therefore, the aim of this pledge is to help each couple focus on the essential building blocks of establishing a healthy marriage.

What is outlined below is a voluntary pledge, taken by a seriously dating or engaged couple, to sexual purity. This pledge is optional, but strongly encouraged. Therefore, we ask you to consider agreeing to limit your physical involvement, as indicated below, and to be held accountable by your mentor couple.

Sexual purity means much more than not having sexual intercourse before marriage. Many couples avoid
intercourse but are still sexually intimate. Scripture defines sexual purity as being morally excellent. And moral excellence means being holy. It means avoiding the appearance of evil. It means purity of thought as well as purity of deed. It means protecting one another’s innocence from being stained by impure actions.

Those considering or preparing for marriage are asked by their mentors to talk about the pledge privately and to pray about it before deciding whether to take this step. Regardless of what the decision is, the matter will remain a private one between Merge leadership and you. Ultimately, however, it is a spiritual matter between you and God. Be honest about the physical part of your relationship. We know the Bible does not specifically address ‘how far a couple can go before marriage,’ however, it is clear that we are to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18).

If you are a follower of Jesus, then you want to live in a way that is radically different than culture. We are not to be conformed by the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:1-2). Consider making a commitment to keeping your physical activities between #1 – #3.
  1.  Holding hands
  2.  Hugging
  3.  Light kissing
  4.  French kissing
  5.  Kissing on the neck, ears or other parts of the body
  6.  Indirect stimulation of the breasts/genitals (e.g. “grinding”)
  7.  Manual stimulation of the breasts/genitals
  8.  Oral stimulation of the breasts/genitals
  9.  Intercourse

If your physical activities exceed #3, we suggest the following steps:
  • Confess to the Lord, and repent of your actions (Psalm 51.3-4).
  • Confess and seek forgiveness from your partner.
  • Inform your mentor, couple/pastor. We recommend that the male contact the male leader within 24 hours after exceeding the physical limit. If the man does not do so, the woman should call the female mentor.
  • Calling your mentor/pastor does not circumvent the need to confess your actions to God; however, letting your mentor/pastor know keeps you accountable, so your focus can be on the spiritual, character-building issues that are important in forging a lifelong, committed marriage.

Please note our expectation is that individuals who are members or leaders at Dayspring Community Church will sign this pledge. If you choose not to, please initiate a conversation with Dayspring leadership. 
____________________________________________________________________________________________
*Obtained from “Preparing for Marriage: Discover God’s Plan for a Lifetime of Love” by David Boehi, et al
*See Kahn and London, "Premarital Sex and the Risk of Divorce" in Journal of Marriage and Family (1991) 53:845-855.
*Selected scripture related to sexual purity:
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Ephesians 5:3
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Proverbs 6:27-28
Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk with hot coals and his feet not be scorched?

If Yes, please answer the following:

Cohabitation Policy

Webster’s Dictionary defines a cohabitating couple as one that lives together and is sexually active. Both the percentage of couples living together and moral acceptance of cohabitation are increasing among evangelical Christians. The primary reason is fear, derived from a divorce rate that has more than tripled in the last 50 years, leaving two generations with a very real fear of broken homes and broken marriages. This leads couples to want to “test drive” living together without any formal commitment.
 
While on the surface it sounds like a good idea, the negative consequences of cohabitation are validated in secular studies. The Center for Disease Control indicates that 80% of all couples who live together and get married will end up divorced. Couples that cohabitated before marriage were found to have less positive interactions (higher levels of unresolved conflict), which is a reliable predictor of the relationship’s future success or failure.  Among cohabitating couples, domestic violence increases by five times the amount in married couples. Abuse, depression, financial hardship, and infidelity of your significant other greatly increase as well.
 
Practically, an individual must be willing to invest a great amount of time, money, and other resources in a relationship that statistically only has a 20% chance of surviving. Despite growing popularity and practice within the church and culture, we desire to submit to scripture.

The findings of secular research notwithstanding, it is Dayspring’s conviction that cohabitation is a biblically sinful decision for individuals and couples. If a couple decides to continue cohabitating, Dayspring can decline the use of a staff pastor for the marriage ceremony. We also ask that couples who are living together but not having sex move into separate homes from one another if possible. Scripture tells us to “flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18) and to place yourself in a living situation where you have the best chance for purity and separation from temptation (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5; Ephesians 5:3; Hebrews 13:4). 

It is our observation that couples who honor the Lord in every aspect of their relationship experience greater oneness, peace, and joy in marriage. If you are currently cohabitating or have questions about cohabitation, your merge table leaders and/or the merge team would be happy to discuss further with you.

Spending the Night & Traveling Together 
We believe you can best honor God and one another while dating by not spending the night together or traveling alone together for the reasons listed below. 

Spending the night & traveling together: 
  1. does not protect your heart. (Song of Solomon 3:5 & Proverbs 4:23) 
  2. is not fleeing from temptation or immorality. (1 Corinthians 6: 18, 10:12-13 & Ephesians 5:3) 
  3. is not a good witness to others. (Romans 12:2 & Colossians 4:5) 
  4. is not the way to “test-drive” the relationship. (Proverbs 16:25) If you have any questions, please discuss with your Merge table leader or Merge leadership. 

We ask that grace and understanding is expressed toward our position/conviction. We pray that the love, care, sensitivity and humility we have sought in writing this document would be evident to all who read it and are affected by our leadership. It would seem appropriate to conclude this statement by expressing our gratitude that the cross of Christ is sufficient to cover all of our sin, and we pray with you that His Spirit continually guides us into all truth.

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